With 35 years together, you’d think that my husband, Tim, and I would know everything about each other.  And, I’d say that’s as true as it can be.

We’ve created an amazing relationship with conscious loving tools from Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks.  Their book, Conscious Loving, reinvigorated our marriage more than a decade ago and remains a must-read for conscious couples. Our time together is rich. We stay curious about how we are each growing, both as individuals and as a couple. 

A lot of that curiosity happens through micro-practices we’ve learned over the years. They include saying what’s on our mind when something happens that upsets one of us. But, in our commitment to continuous learning, we enjoy going deeper.

So, we took coffee and croissants on an early morning beach date to talk about trust and commitment, which is the first in a series of questions posed by the marriage researchers John and Julie Gottman in their new book Eight Dates. I’d heard them speak and was inspired by their ease together in much the same way I’ve been inspired by Gay and Katie’s relationship:

I’ll have what they’re having!


Tim and I deeply trust each other. And, we were both a little surprised to discover that asking the structured questions about trust and commitment brought up a few things we’d glossed over.

Nothing big, but the First Date reminded us that in choosing a conscious relationship, we find any place there’s a wobble and fix it. We commit and recommit. And in being fully revealed, we sometimes feel discomfort. And, we get to be closer.

Our time on the beach reaffirmed what trust means to each of us and invited us to repair the tiniest breach. We also asked each other: How could you trust me even more?  In sharing our Trust and Commitment date with friends, we all realized that couples can get stuck in patterned ways of seeing each other and updating those views creates closeness from being fully seen and appreciated.


While we looked at trust and commitment in the context of our relationship, it’s something we also take on with the leaders and teams that we coach.  The relationships of people on high-performing teams are built on trust, commitment, candor, and constant learning.

What does trust mean to you?

What do trust and commitment mean to you and your partner? What does it mean in an intimate relationship? What does it mean in your business or work relationships? I’d love to hear what you think of this or what happens if you do the Eight Dates.  Contact me to learn more about building trust with your business partners!